In this heartfelt and deeply compassionate episode, Jenn sits down with Allison Schaaf — Founder of Miscarriage Hope Desk, a nonprofit dedicated to supporting women through pregnancy loss and fertility struggles. Allison opens up about her own journey with recurrent miscarriage, the loneliness and unanswered questions she faced, and how those painful experiences led her to create a place of evidence-based resources, community, and hope for others walking the same road. Together, we explore the power of storytelling and shared grief and how philanthropy can grow out of the hardest chapters of our lives. Whether you have personally experienced loss or love someone who has, this episode offers validation, comfort, and a reminder that no one should have to navigate this journey alone.
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Guest Bio
Allison Schaaf is the founder of Miscarriage Hope Desk, a nonprofit organization offering resources, support, and hope for women navigating the challenges of miscarriage and recurrent pregnancy loss. Drawing on her own experiences with miscarriage, Allison created a mentorship program, curated a resource library, and developed a supportive community to ensure no one feels alone on this journey.
In addition to her work with Miscarriage Hope Desk, Allison is also the founder of Prep Dish, a meal planning service that helps busy families create healthy, delicious meals with ease. A passionate advocate for connection and resilience, Allison empowers others to navigate life’s challenges while prioritizing health and family.
Allison lives in the Texas Hill Country with her husband, Brook, and their three sons. When not working, she enjoys spending time with her family, traveling, and tending to their small homestead, which includes goats, chickens, cats and bee hives.
Show Notes
For more information and resources, please go to:
Website- https://miscarriagehopedesk.org/
InstaGram- https://www.instagram.com/miscarriagehopedesk
Substack- https://miscarriagehopedesk.substack.com/
Podcast- https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/miscarriage-hope-desk-podcast
Transcript
Jenn Klein: [00:00:00] Welcome to the You Are a Philanthropist podcast. Today we’re talking with Allison Schaff. Allison is the founder of the Miscarriage Hope Desk and founder of Prep Dish, a meal planning service. Allison is also a mom to three.
Welcome to the You Are a Philanthropist podcast with Jenn Klein, a Certified Fundraising Executive and philanthropic entrepreneur. This show is dedicated to empowering and inspiring you to make a difference in your community and our world. Jen believes all acts of kindness matter, and this show is designed to help you take pride in your everyday actions of improving the lives of others and making a change in the world.
Now, here’s Jenn.
Jenn Klein: Allison, welcome to the show.
Allison: Hi. Thank you for having me. I’m looking forward to our [00:01:00] discussion today.
Jenn Klein: Me too. I love talking to you and people like you who are making a difference in the world. And I was wondering if you could tell me a little bit about you, um, your work with founding, the miscarriage Hope desk.
Allison: Yeah, so gosh, it started, you know, I think as a lot of things do in life, right? It started with a, a personal experience of.
You know, getting married, wanting to start a family and, you know, honestly thinking the toughest decision was, you know, how many kids are we gonna have and, and what, when should we start trying and like, you know, trying to plan the timing and have it just all work out. Just, you know, you kind of have this vision of how it’s going to go.
And, you know, pretty quickly into our fertility journey, we started running into, um, issues. And, you know, the main one being I would get pregnant and then miscarry. And it happened once [00:02:00] and then twice and then three times. And it, it sort of just kept happening. And as that happened, it was, um. You know, just so difficult to go through.
And I really struggled in finding resources. A community like anyone who had been through it, it was easy enough to, oh, you know, here’s someone maybe that’s had one miscarriage or something like that. But then, um, you know, the situation of having recurring pregnancy losses was not something I realized was really, I didn’t know that was even within the realm of possibility.
You know, I. Hadn’t been exposed to that. And so as I was going through it, um, you know, my husband and I are both entrepreneurs and I remember me and him having a discussion of, like, there, I would love to have more resources out there for women like me. And, um, I, I knew at some point that I was, you know, already feeling called to, you know, create something to support women that were having, you know, struggles similar [00:03:00] to mine.
Jenn Klein: I am so sorry for your loss and I am so grateful to hear about how you wanted to help others and to turn your pain into purpose.
Allison: Mm-hmm. Thank you. Yeah. There’s, you know, something that’s very, I think, therapeutic and going through the process of having, you know, really difficult time or hard struggle and then turning around and helping others that are having similar struggles.
Jenn Klein: You mentioned the word called, and I’m just wondering if you felt called, um, by God or just an inner spirit of yours?
Allison: Yeah, I mean, I think for me personally, I, I feel like it’s God, but I think that, you know, it is open. Everyone has their own interpretation of what a calling feels like, but for me, I consider that God giving me that calling.
Jenn Klein: I love that. Yeah. I, um, my calling is to help, uh, elevate your voice and voices like you of people putting [00:04:00] good into the world so that people get encouraged and can hear, um, your story, um, your resilience, um, your, the, the nonprofit you founded, and can you tell us more about what your nonprofit does?
Allison: Yeah, so, you know, kind of set out in a few different directions and you know, the places where we’ve really landed are one, you know, resources and information, which is a blog post and a newsletter that, you know, I feel like a lot of times my doctors would.
Not that they were trying to hide things, but I just feel like they, there weren’t like these deep in-depth explanations. It would just be like, kind of like, oh, like this is going on and this is what it means. But I, I wanted the research, right? Like when you’re going through something like this and so determined, like, I wanna know, like I got a diagnosis of antiphospholipid syndrome.
Like, well, what does that actually mean? And what does the research say? And what are the, you know, I wanted to [00:05:00] really dig into the protocols and, you know, why are you recommending this and not that. Um, so, you know, a lot of it’s creating those kind of articles, um, but also really helping women to learn to advocate for themselves.
I think a lot of times. It’s, it’s hard to be in these situations and it’s easy to kind of feel like, oh, like, just pretend like you don’t know what’s going on. And I really like to help advocate for women of stepping up and asking the questions at your doctor’s office and knowing when it’s time to maybe, you know, seek an other answers or, you know, look for another, another doctor.
And, um, so that’s a big piece of it. And then. You know, the community piece, we have an Instagram account that really, um, you know, honestly, I, I was kind of surprised how much that took off. And the, the most surprising thing I think with some of our communities is it’s not just women that are in the moment struggling.
It’s been a lot of women that it’s like, this happened to me 10 years ago or 20 years ago, but I [00:06:00] never had the space or the time to really process it or to share it with others. Um, so it’s really this thing that, you know, allows women this. Space to, to grieve together, process together. And then, um, one of the pieces, uh, with miscarriage Hope Desk that I’m most proud of is we created a free mentorship program.
So it’s one-to-one mentors, so it’s women that have been through it and doing just what I’ve done with miscarriage Hope Desk, turning around and helping the, you know, someone behind them that’s having a, a shared struggle and. Like I mentioned, it’s the mentors are getting as much out of the relationship as the mentees.
Um, my big dream for that program was that the mentees eventually graduate and, and are mentors. We’ve already had that happen more than once, and I love seeing that just the women that are, you know, getting support, then they’re turning around and giving the support. And again, you know, both sides of the relationship are gaining so much just by having that.
You know, [00:07:00] it is such a unique and difficult experience to go through and it’s really hard to find people that get it, you know? And um, even in the infertility world, I think miscarriage can be different ’cause it’s easy for someone else struggling with mis, with infertility to think, oh, well at least you’re getting pregnant, or something like that, you know?
And so I think it’s good to have women that are really having the shared experience be able to. Lean on each other and have a space where someone understands and they can really talk about it openly. And, um, yeah, I mean, so that to me, like that was the vision. And so seeing that play out in terms of this mentorship program has been, um, really cool to see.
Um, and then, you know, we do have a podcast Right now. We’re not actively adding episodes, but I always say the archives are great. It’s a combination of. You know, stories of hope and also interviews with experts. Um, so yeah. But those are the different pieces that we’ve [00:08:00] put together to add, you know, this community and support and resources for women that are struggling with miscarriage.
Jenn Klein: How can people find you on Instagram and podcast?
Allison: We are miscarriage Hope Desk everywhere. So Instagram is at miscarriage Hope Desk, the podcast, miscarriage Hope Desk. It’s all, all the same, you know, so that’s, we make it easy to, to find us.
Jenn Klein: Good. I will put those links in the show notes as well. Mm-hmm. And.
You know, there are people listening today who are going through this, and I wonder what your advice might be to them today.
Allison: I think one of the most important things is to really pause and check in with yourself on what you need and listen to that. You know, I it not to other people. Right. It’s, you know, [00:09:00] don’t.
Expect that maybe, you know, your Dr. May not ask. I don’t, I don’t know. I didn’t have a doctor that ever came up to me and said, well, how are you doing emotionally? Or, you know, how are you feeling about this? You know, they, and that’s okay. That’s not necessarily their job. But I wanna give you permission if you, you know, the grieving process does not have a timeline.
It, you know, there’s different stages or kinds of miscarriages. None of that matters. What matters is kind of you and checking in with yourself and taking the time that you need to grieve and process through things. So giving yourself the space and time to do that is so important. Um, and then, you know, from there, there’s, you know, different paths and, um.
Ways that you can move forward. But I think the most important first step is just allowing yourself that space to, to grieve and go through what you need to. And, um, even if outside forces maybe aren’t, you know, it can be tricky ’cause people that haven’t been through it may not totally understand.
Jenn Klein: I am just [00:10:00] thinking about also, um, the fact that we don’t talk about this topic a lot, and I wonder what your thoughts are about, um, either communicating about it with others or not communicating, or just how you feel overall about the fact that it isn’t something we openly talk about.
Allison: Yeah, so you hit on a really big thing for me and with Miscarriage Hope Desk, ’cause I’m a big proponent of sharing, but with some caveats, like before you share check in and. See what you’re comfortable with. I mean, I know I’m, I share mine with the, the world, but also I never share ’em in real time. I’ve never had a miscarriage and hopped on the internet the next day and shared that part of me.
I wait until I feel like I’m ready. I’ve talked to my husband about it. I’ve shared with him what I planned to share about, you know, what we’ve been through. Um, I do think it’s important to share it. Again, it doesn’t need to be a Facebook post, but it can be. So I think just figuring out what works for you.
Maybe that’s. [00:11:00] A therapist, maybe that’s, um, a friend or a family member, but finding someone to share it with, because I do find that sometimes there are, you know, as I mentioned earlier on the Instagram account of people that struggled with a miscarriage maybe 10 or 20 years ago, part of the reason they’re still struggling is they’ve never shared it with anyone.
So having that space to share with someone, I would just think through and be intentional with. Who and how you do share it. Um, but if you are open to sharing it kind of more widely, I think you would be amazed at, you know, who you could help by doing that. Right? Like every time I do share my story, it’s, you know, for, or if I’ll mention like, oh, I’m the founder of, you know, I founded Miscarriage Hope Desk, you know, just in a social setting.
And then, you know, that’ll I’ll hit on someone that maybe needed to hear it that day. So I would just encourage people to share when they’re ready.
Jenn Klein: I’m so, um, impressed, um, by your ability to both found a nonprofit as well as [00:12:00] have your own business, be a mother, share your, you know, challenging story. And I wonder, um, how you are doing it all.
Allison: Well, I don’t do it all, that’s for sure. Um, and you know, it’s just figuring out kind of where I am, my role is best, you know, where I best fit in in each place. Um, you know, so for example, with miscarriage Hope Desk, when we did the podcast, I was never the host. I would sometimes do one-on-one or like a update just for me personally, but I never did our interviews, partly because I emotionally couldn’t take that on.
That was too much for me. So we had someone else that did the interviews. Um, you know, and even same thing with our Instagram account. While I do run it now, I don’t go in every day and respond to comments because I know emotionally I can’t handle that. But we’ve got a great community and they respond to each other and they don’t need that from me.
So I kind of have boundaries on where I plug in and where I don’t, and I am very intentional about that so that I [00:13:00] can be effective in, you know, providing what I provide. But like you said, not then. Overextending myself, um, you know, prep Dish, my company that I founded, I started that. 12 or 13 years ago now, and I have an amazing team, um, of, of kind of four or five of us.
Most of them have been with me like over five years. So when I went into motherhood, I knew that my business was in a good place and I had the support I needed. And even through my infertility challenges and all by losses. I really had a team there that I could rely on to help, um, you know, keep things going.
And, um, yeah, and then motherhood too. It’s, you know, it’s, it’s a lot. But, you know, and I also have some help with the, with the kids as well, but trying to make sure you are all, you know, doing all of the things well that I just really try and like. Make sure that I have time for all of them and, and very, I guess, present and, you know, I’m not working when I’m in front of my kids and I’m, you know, vice versa.
[00:14:00] It’s like kind of parsing it out that way, I guess. So
Jenn Klein: you sound like a very smart woman. Thank you. I, I can, I can relate a lot because I, um. Have my podcast and business, uh, you are a philanthropist, as well as working as a major gift officer and being a mom of two. Um, I have not yet founded a nonprofit.
Um, I know how challenging it is as a fundraiser. So, um, uh, one of the reasons why you impressed me as well is because of your ability to juggle that. Can you tell me a little bit about how you got incorporated and started, uh, a nonprofit?
Allison: Yeah, sure. I’m happy to help with that too. Um, and I will say the main thing for me is when I’m doing something, I, I juggle a lot of things, but I’m not a multitasker and I’m very like, you know, like I’m, if I’m, I do one thing at a [00:15:00] time, but even though there’s a lot going on, um, so yeah, with a nonprofit, so when I started out.
With miscarriage TR desk. I originally wanted it to be a nonprofit, but then I was working with someone to sort of help with the branding and the creating the website and stuff. And, um, we landed on actually having it be, it was a business and then I was gonna do courses. So I kind of went down that path for a year or two, and then we got into it and I realized.
I didn’t wanna make money off of it, you know, like that wasn’t ever really the intention. And so then I, I switched over to becoming, um, a nonprofit and just through kind of word of mouth, found someone locally in town or. In the state of Texas that I, I live in and, um, hired an attorney to help with all the paperwork side of it because I’ve heard people that that was their frustration in terms of, you know, getting it off the ground.
I am very friendly with a lot of the nonprofits in the infertility space, especially. There’s some wonderful other, you know, nonprofits that focus on [00:16:00] miscarriage. So I talked with a lot of them and got some recommendations and, um, definitely got help with that side of things. So I wasn’t like bogged down in the paperwork.
Jenn Klein: Yes. And tell me how many staff members do you employ? I, I’m guessing you’re a national organization. Do you do regional things too?
Allison: You know, it’s mainly just all online. Um, we’ve had different contractors over the years, you know, the podcast host. I’ve had people manage the social media account. Um, so, you know, it kind of depends on what we have going on, but then a lot of it’s me.
Um, and then, you know, in terms of like fundraising and funding, you know, we have, we get, we do get donations. A lot of it is self-funded as well. It’s just something I, me and my husband are both passionate about. So we have helped to fund quite a bit of it as well.
Jenn Klein: That’s wonderful. Um, we wanna make sure that, um, my listeners know how to find you so they can support you as well.[00:17:00]
Yes. Um, and, uh, can you tell me what your website is as well? Yep. Mis miscarriage hope desk.org. Great. Okay. And I wonder if you could tell me, um, kind of, um. What, in what ways do you enjoy, um, creating this nonprofit, giving back to your community, um, and making a difference in the world?
Allison: You know, it, it really comes from, I think this is, you know, anytime you’re, you’re doing philanthropy or giving back in any way, it kind of comes from a very personal, and I don’t wanna use the word selfish, but it comes from a place where you’re getting a lot back.
Right. And I think for me, like. I am gonna joke up now, but like, you know, I always wanted a family and it was so hard to get to where I am now, but it was so worth it. And so to be able to be a [00:18:00] part of that journey for other women and to get them where they want to be and to realize like, you know, even in the moment when it is really hard, it ultimately can lead to such a beautiful place.
Um, you know, I think. You know, that’s just a blessing for me that I get to be a part of that. And so, um, to me it’s just rewarding to be able to give back to other women to be able to experience that. So
Jenn Klein: that’s. So kind and so beautiful and so thoughtful. Um, I actually wrote a book called Giving is Selfish, but it’s just a provocative way to
Allison: Exactly.
And it’s like kind of the default, but it’s like, it’s like, I wish there’s a better way to put this.
Jenn Klein: Yeah, no, I should find another way to put it. It’s actually something Denzel Washington said in a commencement speech and it just. Stuck with me because I had to replay the clip. I’m like, no way. He did not just say that giving is selfish.
Uh, I, I thought he said [00:19:00] selfless.
Allison: No.
Jenn Klein: And, and then I, I came to realize, wow, there is so much joy in giving back and in helping others. And I believe, as I say, we’re hardwired to give by God our creator. And there’s just this wonderful feedback. Uh, I, I like to say it, boomerangs back to us. So, um, as you said, said, it is, uh, therapeutic.
I know some people would use the word cathartic. Um, and it, it brings me joy sharing stories of you, like you who give hope, um, to others who comfort them, who, um, remind them that they’re not alone. Um, it’s really, you know, remarkable work that you’re doing. And just as you know, somebody who, um, is part of, you know, the philanthropic community, I just wanna thank you.
For sharing your story, for being vulnerable, [00:20:00] for putting yourself out there for hard, being, hardworking, um, you know, I, I, I, in doing these interviews, um, it can seem so easy and it can seem like, um, you know, there’s, there’s this, um, what’s the word I’m looking for? There’s this big, you know, great vision you had all along or, um, and, and it is really just about putting one step in front of the other, isn’t it?
Allison: Mm-hmm. No, it is. I mean, and that’s true of building business, nonprofit, and family, right? Like, it’s like you’ve just gotta kind keep going and, and, and eventually it’s like, oh, wow. Here I.
Jenn Klein: What would you say for people who, um, don’t know how to give back, maybe they’ve never done it or they don’t do it regularly, um, what would you say to encourage them to just get out there and, and start something that they’ve [00:21:00] never done before?
Allison: You know, I think it would first be to, you know, check in and see where, um, you know, you, I kind of go back to like that calling, but, you know, where have you received help or what, what things are really moving to you. Um, and then I think a lot of times. When you think back about that, it can be really inspiring of like, maybe someone helped you in a certain way and it’s like, I really wanna give back in the same way that they gave, um, or, you know, just, just something that’s personal.
It could be like a family member or a parent or, you know, I’ve been through things in life with family members or things where it’s like, oh, now I’m really. You know, feel very passionate about this thing. So, um, I would just look into that. I, I think we’ve all had, and, and, you know, fortunately or unfortunately a lot of things, you know, they start with some sort of struggle or difficult time, but it’s a good way to kind of add a silver lining to what you’ve been through.[00:22:00]
Jenn Klein: You know, it’s interesting, I, , I didn’t found, found this business, um, until after I had my first son. And it, it just shows how life changing, being a mother is, being a parent, um, you know, caring for others, um, and how life changing that is.
It certainly was. Um. World shattering for me when I left my, you know, dozen years of nonprofit experience to stay home with my kids and found this business and wanting to share the joys of giving back to others. Um, and I’m wondering if you could tell me. Both two things. What is your vision for Miscarriage Hope Desk. And what is your vision for a better world? Um.
Allison: Um, so for miscarriage Hope Desk one is just, you know, this mentorship program. I [00:23:00] wanted to, like I said, just keep going and having these mentees turn into mentors and just kind of continue that, uh, cycle of, of support.
Um, personally I am working on a memoir that outlines my fertility journey. Um, I do have a biological son and then we’ve also, um, adopted and so just kind of going through. You know, the struggles, the joys, all of that. So that’s something I have been working on and I think it’s just a way that I can share my story in a more meaningful way.
Like I, it is been great to share it through miscarriage Hope Desk in bits and pieces. And we also highlight lots of other, you know, stories and experiences because everyone’s just so unique. But I’m excited to be able to share mine in a much more personal and in-depth way. Um, in terms of, you know, a better world, I think.
You know, if we could, if we could figure out ways to help with, you know, miscarriage and, um, improve the research [00:24:00] there. But, you know, some of it, yes, like I wish women didn’t have miscarriages or pregnancy loss. Um, but I think also even just providing a. Better environment for women that are struggling with it.
You know, having things in place where they do feel supported and they don’t feel so lonely and, um, there’s just more resources to go through it in a better way. Um, and I know there’s a lot of people out there trying to kind of impact that and change that and yeah, eventually have less of them overall.
I think that would be wonderful. So.
Jenn Klein: I have a couple thoughts. Well, one is that my listeners who have been through this, um, and are feeling the calling as we talked about to the inkling within them right now, where they might want to help others who have been through this and turn their pain into purpose.
Um, they should reach out to you right away.
Allison: Yeah, no, I, I love, you know, being [00:25:00] the connector in that way, so definitely, and I mean, it’s easy to find me on Instagram or, you know, the website. There’s, I think, a contact and all that, so I’m pretty easy to find.
Jenn Klein: Great. And I will put those, um, information in the show notes, like I said, and when you talk about a vision for a better world, can you just remind me how many women this affects?
Allison: So there’s different stats, but the, the big one is that one in four women will have a miscarriage. And I mean, all of us know more than four women. Everyone knows someone that’s, um, been through this. And, you know, again, often that’s why I said when it comes to sharing, you might be surprised, like when you start sharing who comes forward, whether it’s an aunt.
Sometimes it’s a mother or a friend, and you didn’t know that they, they, you know, they struggled silently. And, um, it’s just, um, can be a, a good way to connect and, um, and heal together. So, but yes, it’s, it impacts a lot of, a [00:26:00] lot of families, unfortunately.
Jenn Klein: Allison, I’m so happy you’re on my show. I’m so happy that you’re writing your memoir too, just to share more of your journey.
And, um, please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you spread the word, um, when that comes out. And, uh, if, if you had any last advice to lead to my lead to my listeners, or anything we didn’t cover, please say it now.
Allison: I mean, I think just whether or not you’re struggling with miscarriage, I mean, I know all of us have struggles.
If you’re having a struggle right now, I would just say that you’re not alone. And to know that and, um, you know, if you’re feeling that way, to know that you’re not, and there are resources out there, so.
Jenn Klein: Yes. And one of the ways we can connect with others is through volunteerism. I wrote a book about how, like we talked about giving is selfish, um, and it’s selfless too.
It’s got this [00:27:00] great synergy. Um, but. Volunteerism is proven to help you live longer, help you have lower blood pressure, help you have stronger social connections, reduce loneliness, help with anxiety. Um, so, uh, one of the reasons why I do my work is to really advocate for giving to yourself. Um, because it is a way to not just help others, but also to pick yourself up and give yourself that gift of helping others.
It’s a beautiful synergy.
Allison: Oh, I couldn’t agree more. You know, I am an introvert at heart and it’s so easy for me to pass on things, but I will say, anytime I do anything, any type of volunteering, I always leave feeling, you know, my cup is filled and feeling that connection. And it’s just so important for us individually and us as a society to maintain that.
So I love, I love the work that you’re doing.
Jenn Klein: Thank you, Allison. I’m so glad we connected [00:28:00] and I will. I hope my listeners will, um, find you wherever they, um, tune in online to either Instagram or your website and, um, or your podcast. Um, certainly podcasting is such a good resource for everybody to hear people’s stories, and I’m so glad you shared your story today.
Yeah, have a great day. Thank you.
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